doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
