i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
