I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
