Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
