His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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