Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
