I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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