I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize