I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
