dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
