what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
