Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
