I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
