You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
