Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
