I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
