sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
