The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alive.
So much puke
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
