HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
