Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
