Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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