i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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