You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
