what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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