Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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