You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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