That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
