just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
