I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
