my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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