i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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