Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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