I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
