she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
