the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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