Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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