Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
