he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
