Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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