ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
