Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
