One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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