Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
