My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
