well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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