sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
