made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
