i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
