this just has baby written all over it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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