All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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