I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
