Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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