After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
