We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize