who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
